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How to Personalize a Memorial Service
This page contains ideas for creating a personal memorial service. Use one or several of them to create a loving tribute to the one you have lost.
Why
Should I Have a Service at All?
Memorial services and life celebrations are really about love. You are
taking the time and expressing and sharing the love that you felt for
that person. It's important to celebrate but not at the expense of acknowledging
that something important has been lost. The best services mix memories,
comfort and encouragment. You need to take this time to share your loss,
to laugh and talk and share your thoughts and feelings with each other.
Memorial
Idea: Create a Memory Table and Memory Boards
Think
about your loved ones hobbies and passions. Gather some of the key things
that were important to your loved one. At the entrance to the service,
have the items displayed on a large table. Place items reflecting their
hobbies or interests, perhaps a bowl with their favorite candy or treat,
and friends and family can help themselves. You may want to take 3x5 cards
and label the items and explain the significance.
Albert Litwin proudly served as a Captain in the Army during WWII. He
helped plan the D-Day invasion with General Eisenhower. By the looks of
those boots, he wasn't just sitting behind a desk!
What
Can I Put on a Memory Table?
Create
a table and bring in things that your loved one liked to do. For example,
if they liked to paint, bring in their artwork, their paints and brushes
and smock. You could even bring in their easels and put the artwork on
their easels. If they were gardeners you could bring in their gardening
tools and pots of flowers. If they liked football you could bring any
logo memorabilia of the team that they supported that you or they may
have. If they liked photography, set their favorite cameras on the table
with some of their photographs. You may want to write on a notecard, “Sarah
always found time to craft the perfect photo and then share them with
us.” “Look at Sarah's hole in one on hole 7.” If they
liked golf bring in the clubs, tees, scorecards and golf balls.
Dave Daly's hobby was carving wood, on his memorial table his tools and
works of art were on display. As you can see by his memorial table he
was also a sailor and was in the service and a proud American. A memory table of a golf lover
Something tells me Albert Litwin played a mean game of cribbage.
That enlarged cribbage board is great, I also like the diploma, his eye
glasses and funny t-shirt.
Memory Boards
Memory boards are used similarly to memory tables but items are posted
on a board. Many funeral homes and event locations will have boards for
you to use. You can also purchase them at stationary supply stores. Often
photos are put on the boards but as you'll see below Albert Litwin's family
displayed his favorite crossword puzzles.
Seeing a person's hand writing really makes you feel their presence, Albert
loved crosswords and seeing his hand writing as he filled in the correct
answers is perfect!
How Can I have Family and Friends Share Their Memories?
Memorial Notecards:
You only have one chance to collect everyone’s memories. Consider
lined 3” x 5” cards that say, “My Special Memory of
You ” These cards and pens are handed to friends and family as they
walk into the service. The celebrant or funeral director can be responsible
for handing them out and collecting them at the end of the service. These
cards can be put in a pouch and taken out and shared at family gatherings
for years to come. They become a reflection of ancestors' lives for generations
to come.
They are available for purchase here: Memorial gifts and cards
Guest books are not very practical as they require people to wait in line
at the service. Unless feelings and memories are shared, what is the long
term use of a guest book? If feelings and memories are shared, the wait
could become very long and delay the service.
You
may want to consider a memory book/guest
book/photo album combination that is ideal for capturing the essence of
the person- their passions, hobbies, interests, accomplishments and family
history. You'll want to make completing the book a family activity...
encourage children, grandchildren and all family members to partcipate.
It will be therapeutic and rewarding; collecting photos, memory cards,
notes and letters. Share friends and family's personal memories by inserting
the "My Special Memory of You" cards into the book. Additionally,
the book can be used as a guest book at the life celebration. This book
will be treasured for generations to come.
Many grief counselors recommend letter writing as a way to begin to work
through the grief process. It's becoming more popular for the host of
the memorial service/life celebration to suggest attendees bring a letter
to the departed. By writing their thoughts they will often feel like they
have been able to document how they are feeling while contributing to
the service. The letters are commonly placed in the casket (some caskets
now have drawers especially for this purpose) and if the person is cremated
the letters are included placed inside the urn.
Unique Funeral Flower Arrangements:
Many people now say, "In Lieu of Flowers send a donation to...".
Florists are missing an opportunity to provide you with a personalized
unique floral tribute to your loved one. Below you will find four tasteful
funeral floral arrangements that are ideal for a life celebration. It's
not easy to find such personalized floral tributes with photos and personal
momentos so you may have to print off this page and bring it into a progressive
florist. The yellow roses and daisies could be given to family members
or attendees in remembrance of the deceased. Because each person is unique,
floral designs should not be limited by FTD or the funeral director. A
special photograph or an artist's favorite painting can be added. Check
out these examples where personal belongings like a baseball glove or golf
clubs are incorporated into the arrangement.
Elaine LaLanne, Jack’s wife of 51 years, poses next to his portrait and barbell funeral floral arrangement in a similar pose as Jack always sported
A photo display combined with flowers creates a personal flower arrangement
Add a photo to this unique funeral arrangement with daisies and yellow and orange roses for an
uplifting display
For the baseball fan, a creative floral display with a baseball bat, glove, ball and cap - ticket stubs could be added too
Crossed golf clubs makes a personal funeral/life celebration arrangement for the golf lover
We
know it's traditional to send flowers for a funeral as an expression of
sympathy, so consider asking attendees to the service to bring a flower as
a tribute to your lost loved one. The flowers can be placed into a wreath
and either placed on the casket or if the person is cremated and the remains
are scattered, you could put the wreath out to sea along with the ashes.
The flowered wreath will gently float away.
You
can purchase a straw or biodegradable wreath form at any craft store such
as Michaels. See sample below:
Consider putting pocket
charms on the table that reflect your loved one. Guests are encouraged
to take one, they will put them on their pocket or purse and when they
run across it they will remember the departed. Pewter Heart pocket charms More memorial charms
You may also want
to consider personalized seeded cards that contain wildflowers. The cards
can be placed on the memory table and friends and family can take them
and keep the card as a keepsake and plant the seeds.
Here is what a customer said about the cards,
"I just wanted to let you know-we had my mom's memorial service/celebration
of life Sept 2 at HoChunk Casino/Convention Center in Wisconsin Dells,
Wisconsin (one of mom's favorite places :-) I placed a dollar casino token
and one of the wildflower seed inscribed heart cards that I ordered from
you at each place setting at the tables. People commented and really thought
they were great. Thanks for offering such a wonderful website-you were
a godsend at a really difficult time." Kimberly T.
How can I help my guests connect?
One of our customers named
Linda Lee provided everyone with name tags when they walked in. Her mother
was 85 years old and most of her friends were about the same age and many
were suffering from memory loss. She didn't want her mother's friends
to be embarrassed for not remembering names of people they hadn't seen
in years. Her mother's favorite color was pink so she got plain white
labels from the office supply store and put a pink border on them using
the computer. The pink bordered tags were then given to a couple close
friends who sat at the front on the reception area at a table writing
out name tags. The tags not only said the person's name but the relationship
to her mother. For example, Esther Hodges (High School Friend, Class of
1938). It's rare that everyone knows each other at a service. If everyone
has a name tag that says not only the person's name but the relation to
the deceased it makes the service much more personal as well as helps
the guests to make conversation.
Here is a creative idea, create a collage that captures your
love one. Look what Laura did, using snapshots of knickknacks from her
grandfather's garage. Using vintage hardware leftovers and the setting
sun, she put together a very cool and unique tribute to her grandfather.
This could be incorporated in a folder to be handed out at the service
and perhaps on thank-you notes that you could have printed to thank all
those who lend support, send flowers and donations to charity. Go to www.kodakgallery.com
to create a collage.
Examples of Creative and Personal Life Celebrations
At Dave McBurnett’s
funeral his friends and family were transported by a zoo train the several
block distance to four separate and unique outdoor settings at his beloved
zoo. At each setting they heard comments from a podium surrounded by cloth
covered chairs. Each setting uniquely demonstrated areas of his life.
There was the marriage setting, with pictures of his 50 year marriage
in which his wife talked of their life together. Another that demonstrated
his avocation with pictures of his work with PETA and his pictorial safaris.
One completely constructed by his grandchildren who amidst both laughter
and tears acted out a play about their grandfather. At the conclusion
of the video tribute in the last setting, while the video screen held
a full head shot of the deceased his telephone voice mail familiar message
both startled and moved us. “Hi this is Dave, I’m not here
right now, I am on safari, but I hope I meet you on the trail.” Read more about an animal
lover whose funeral or life celebration was held at a zoo.
Alicia Johnson, a self proclaimed wine connoisseur prearranged her service
to include four separate wine tasting ceremony stations established in
her garden at her suburban home. Her family and friends walked to each
of the four stations, tasted wine and experienced the important areas
of her life. At the first one, they listened to some of her favorite music
while enjoying one particular wine she had invested in and talked amongst
them selves about Alicia, her wine and her music. At the second ceremony
station the funeral director provided each attendee with a message card
to write words of comfort to the family if they chose while enjoying a
different wine and hearing her husband talk of their life together. At
the third ceremony station beneath an outdoor tent they tearfully watched
Alicia in a video in which she talked to them from her bed just weeks
before her death. She had heartfelt and loving messages to more than ten
members of her family and friends.
What Else Can I do at the Celebration?
You may want to read
the article "Remembering Rachel" about the unique things Rachel's
family and friends did to remember the wonderful life she had shared
Consider a balloon release. Family and friends could write a note on the
balloon. You can find balloons at many grocery stores or in the Yellow
Pages.
In order to keep a
balloon release environmentally safe:
- Don't tie anything
to balloons which are being released, instead write messages directly
on the balloons with a felt tip pen.
- Only use biodegradable balloons- FYI latex is naturally occuring material
made from tree sap.
- Always use fully inflated balloons, release shortly after filling.
Also, dove releases and butterfly releases are becoming more popular.
To learn about butterfly releases, go to
butterfly memorials
For dove release
information check out these sites:
You
may also have families and friends light a candle. You could have a procession
and put the candles around the casket or urn. Candles can then be given
to families and friends as keepsakes at the end of the ceremony. You may
also want to consider a candle and bud vase that can be inscribed with
your loved ones name. Every year, on significant dates you can place fresh
flowers in the vase and light the candle.
Julie from Gautier, MS suggested the following; On your loved ones birthday
write them a letter, tie it to a hellium balloon and let it go outside
so it reaches them in heaven.
Let the entire communtity know that someone special has passed away with
an aerial banner that flies over the memorial service, funeral or community
event. Google "aerial advertisment" and you will find companies
who provide this service.
Have you found these
ideas helpful? Check out this book with everything you need to create
a personalized memorial service. It is only $9.95 and will ship the same
day it is ordered for quick delivery. It is also available for immediate
download. Planning
a Celebration of Life
Memorial
Idea: Create a Memory Table and Memory Boards
